All I Really Need To Know About The Living Dead, I Learned Fom Romero

I, for one, can never get enough Zombie. Give me your poor, your weak, your slow undead masses. Allow me to watch thee on a Sunday morning, while snowed inside of my house, chugging coffee while unsuccessfully convincing myself that I am not excited about your inevitable arrival. Let me bask in your in your blood drenched social commentary while perfecting my already infallible contingency plan.

Obviously, many Zombie movies have been released in the last decade. Some rip off older classics, some pay homage to their fore bearers, and some are deliberately campy. One movie contained a vast amount of social commentary, comedy, and Romero-style ghouls (Shaun of the Dead), and a different movie changed the way in which we view the modern Zombie (28 Days Later). Remarkably, as of last weeks Blu-Ray and DVD release, one more movie managed to combined all of the aforementioned qualities, the aptly named 'ZombieLand'.

Shaun, to those that are familiar, is the prodigal undead son coming home for his fatted calf (baby cow OR back of a human leg). It is the commentary that we wanted, the Zombified neighbors and co-workers we wished for, and redemptive justification for the slacker hero and loser side-kick who finally get their chance to save the day. In short, it is the savior that we, as Zombie Nation had waited and yearned for.

However, not all of the news has been good. With respect to Danny Boyle, but because of and in spite of his '28' franchise, we the Zombie loving public have been bombarded with an army of Rage inspired monsters.

My un undead friends, this is a trend that has to end. Don't get me wrong or confuse my message. I want to make it clear that Boyle's movies (the former as a director and the latter as executive producer), as well as 'ZombieLand' are chock full of social commentary, suspense, and gore, but that the imitators have to stop.

We, as a movie going public, have to demand a return to the slow, plodding Zombies that represent the best and worst of us. We have to implore film makers to stop the virus infected hordes that hunt us down and multiply quickly. We have to insist the dramatic buildup is superior to superfluous and gratuitous violence. We need not watch Zombie movies that are inspired by VIDEO games. We Demand Savini and We Demand Satisfaction.

There is something inherently wrong about an 'infected' villain being shot and bleeding out and dying, and then NOT getting up for more. There is something wrong about an 'infected' over weight Midwestern soccer mom ripping to shreds a non-'infected' triathlete. There is something inherently amiss about the 'infected' starving to death. In Romero-land, these antagonists (and in the case of 'Land of the Dead', the protagonists) only cease their reanimated missions after the head is removed and the brain is destroyed. Call me a purist, but I like my zombies slow, lumbering, and hungry for brains and not revenge.